Parents are being urged to look beyond their children’s school results and behaviour and understand the emotional struggles they may be carrying every day.
This was one of the key messages from Substance Abuse Advisory Council Director Josua Naisele while speaking at the Methodist Women’s Conference at the World Harvest Centre.
Naisele says children are gifts from God, and parents need to be careful about the words they use when correcting their children, as negative words can shape how children see themselves.
He says parents sometimes measure a child’s intelligence by their position in class or whether they receive a prize, but intelligence can also be reflected in a child’s ability to learn skills, solve problems and use their individual talents.
Naisele says a child who learns how to cook, plant food or carry out other practical tasks is also showing intelligence.
He says parents should recognise the different abilities of their children and help them develop confidence in their talents rather than constantly comparing them with others.
Naisele also highlighted the importance of creating an emotionally safe home, saying children do not only grow up in a house but also in the emotional environment their families create.
He says children may have a good home, attend a good school and have everything they need materially but can still feel emotionally unsafe.
Naisele used the example of an “invisible bag” that some children carry to school every day, filled with trauma, hurt and pain from what they experience or hear at home.
He says children remember how they feel around their parents and should be able to look forward to returning home after school knowing they will be loved, respected and supported.
Naisele says words such as telling children they are stupid, useless, a problem or that their parents are ashamed of them can remain with children and eventually influence what they believe about themselves.
He says fear does not necessarily teach children better behaviour but can instead teach them to remain silent about what they are going through.
Naisele says some children may then turn to drugs or other harmful behaviour as a way of dealing with the pain and pressure they are carrying.
He says when a child makes a mistake, parents should address the behaviour rather than attack the child personally, while making it clear that they remain supported and that problems can be worked through together.
Naisele also stressed the need for routine, stability, respectful communication, encouragement, attention and support in the home.
He says guidance must begin at home because children will eventually enter environments where they face peer pressure, social influences and exposure to drugs, and they need to be prepared to make the right decisions.
Naisele also highlighted concerns about children being referred for counselling because of problems within their families, including parental separation and divorce.
He says another emerging concern involves parents leaving Fiji for employment opportunities overseas, with one or both parents leaving their children in Fiji.
Naisele says strong and supportive families remain important in protecting children and helping them deal with the challenges they face as they grow up.
